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No-one who knows me would ever put their hand up and swear I was the person they knew who always wanted to be a writer. In fact i never thought about being a writer because my writing style is simply not anywhere near up to par.
So why do I have a blog then?
Well, all my life I have struggled with anxiety and panic attacks. I work hard, obsess about being a failure, and generally stress myself into a state of being very unwell.
So 54 years, plus a lot of alcohol and antidepressants later, i realized I was simply addressing, and not that well either, the symptoms.
I was never into yoga. Chanting never did it for me. Imagery, I must admit, did help. My music teachers eventually considered suicide.
But, the real shocker came when I realized that i was jealous of creative people. What was even more amazing was that these feelings of jealousy were stronger than my desires to earn more and more money and climb the corporate ladder.
So, with no other options available to me, I thought I'd give blogging a shot. Now, here's the kicker. I don't care how bad my writing is or whether or not people approve of it or not. It feels great to write. It de-stresses me. I am under no pressure to do it, I do it because I love to do it, and it makes me feel creative.
So what, you ask? Well I think that most of us are under so much pressure from so many sources that we no longer know how to be happy.
And sometimes the answer is right in front of us.
Do something you've always wanted to do. Don't do it for anyone except yourself. You might just like it. It might just make you feel happy again. There is certainly no downside to trying is there?
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
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Edward, you are absolutely right. We all seek Novana without recognising what it means or understanding that sometimes its a "state of mind". The truth is many things we look for in life are "in our backyard' so to speak and we see them but don't recognise it. Reality is our journey through life is varied. We need and want different things at different times of our life. When you 25 you neeed X and when you 55 you need Y. My belief is that when we have experienced the real lows and highs and understand how we got there its like a balloon in its first stages. It can be all UP. The old adage "Rome wasn't built in a day" is true. Sometimes it takes longer to get what we really desire but its always sweeter when we do. Well done.JDB
ReplyDeleteWhen I was three my favourite game was to stand at the front gate and engage stranges in conversation, when I was eight I told my mum I wanted to meet everyone in the world (as well as being an Avon lady, a DJ and a go-go dancer in a cage). Blogging tends to satiate all of my inner children.
ReplyDeleteWow, I value your honesty. It is motivational and inspirational. I suffer from depression and similar conditions you describe and sought similar resolves. Your writing is brilliant as is your blog. Thank you for sharing. Best for the future.
ReplyDelete